Pumping Problems and Being Disorganized

There are 168 hours in a week, and, between my two farmers markets, I am away from the kids for 15 of those hours.  In terms of breastfeeding, that means I need to pump approximately 5 bottles for Parker.  In reality, I have a hard time scrounging up even 1 or 2 bottles most weeks.  Which means my mom or my dad, or Casey, has to bring Parker to me to nurse on those days.  It's inconvenient for them, and I feel kind of douchey for putting them in that situation.  Yet formula is not an option.  It's an added expense and I worry that supplementing with 1 or 2 bottles will eventually increase into 3, 4, and 5 bottles...until we're just a formula family entirely.  And for what?  So I can bake??  No thanks.

One reason it's so difficult for me to find time to pump is because I'm with Parker the other 153 hours of the week.  My one chance to pump is during his first, long stretch of sleep every night-- so that's going to start happening.  I've also begun taking Fenugreek, because my supply always seems to dip after the markets.  It's impossible for me to pump or nurse regularly on those days; and, last Thursday, I went over 8 hours without either.  Uncomfortable and bad for supply.

(I know this isn't the most riveting blog post, but it's one more way for me to be held accountable.)

((Also, I'd like to remember these little things one day.  I will most likely laugh at myself for being so dramatic.))

But the other reason it's so hard for me to pump (or do anything, really) is because I am so incredibly disorganized.  Everything is hard for me.  Pumping, making a grocery list, meal planning and executing said meal plan, folding the laundry, showering, talking to people, the list goes on and on.  I will go grocery shopping, buy $100 worth of food, and still not know what to make for dinner.  I feel so overwhelmed and just plain weird.  Like I'm imbalanced.  I never used to be this way!  Thoughts will cross my mind, but I have a hard time getting those thoughts on paper (because 10 other things will pop into my head, and I'll forget the original thought); so those thoughts never become actions and I get frustrated, and it's basically one big, stupid cycle.  Am I depressed?  Am I just stupid or a total cry baby??  This is not me. 

I could have implemented this pumping schedule and Fenugreek popping back in November, when I started doing these markets, but I didn't.  And even though my mom and Casey reminded me that I needed to start pumping EVERY WEEK, I didn't.  I said, "Yeah, I know.  It's on my list."  (My list of shit that never gets done...)  I have never been such a scatterbrain.  I'm pretty sure it all has to do with the bakery.  Because on the days where I'm just Momma, not Momma + Baker, I'm a lot less likely to cry and hide.  I love baking, and it's been so fun to participate in farmers markets and receive so much positive feedback about my cookies; but a part of me wonders knows it was the wrong time to launch.  (You know, less than two months after Parker was born.)  I wanted to (needed to) help contribute to our household financially after I left my full-time job.  Everything comes down to money.  (One of the awesome things about being a young family!)

I underestimated this bakery-- the amount of work, time and money it takes to start and maintain a business.  Combined with the amount of work it takes to run a household full time, I'm zapped.  I'm juggling more than I ever have.  But I can't just quit.  I have too much invested in this venture, and I enjoy it most of the time.  I keep promising myself that it's going to get easier, that I'll develop a more streamlined schedule via meal planning and chore charts and weekly planners.  But what happens when those things don't help?  Um, I'll crash and burn.  That's what.

So that's that.  A promise to pump and still totally frazzled.  I guess, if anything, this proves that I am loooong overdue for a visit with my therapist, yes?  Any suggestions on how to suck less are welcome! (Or meal plans, or extra limbs/more hours in the day/a massage, etc etc.)

Confessions: Week 18-20

Confession #35:  Without fail, every time I've had to wash my pump parts in the office, a male co-worker has inevitably walked by and struck up a conversation.

Confession #36:  For weeks I have been storing my breastshields in the refrigerator between pumping sessions; and for weeks I have been looking for an opportunity to use the phrase, I'll take two frosty cold breastshields please.

Confession #37:  On top of all the other shit I've forgotten, today I forgot to pack bottles.   Will be pumping into breastmilk storage bags that I keep in my desk for emergencies...


Have you missed my confessions?  Just think, one day very soon, when I'm a SAHM, I won't have anything left to confess!!

I fixed my boobs!

::throws arms into the air victoriously::

Who knew boobs could be so much work?

I used to be lopsided, dear friends.  Terribly, terribly lopsided.  Last week I noticed a very serious problem with my pumping situation...  At first I mistook the issue to be my supply in general, but I quickly realized my pumping output hadn't changed at all.  I was still pumping an average of 15 ounces while I was away from Lulu.  The problem was simply that Mrs. Right was only contributing about one fifth of the total volume.  (That's three ounces for the mathematically challenged.)

Three ounces in a ten hour period is pretty damn alarming.  And to be honest, I kind of lost my shit.

I have a tendency to over analyze, jump to the worst case scenerio, and eventually work myself up into a massive ball of stress.  In my mind I thought this was the end of my breastfeeding career, not with just Lucy, but with my future children.  And the idea of losing our nursing relationship now, after only six months, was absolutely crushing.  We all know that I love breastfeeding, so I'll do my best to contain my word vomit...  The bond that I've developed with Lucy through nursing has been one of the most beautiful and rewarding parts of being a mother, and, in my eyes, nursing is one of the best parts about being a mother.  And I am not ready to give that up. 

Ok, so, back to my boobs.

I immediately consulted my go-to breastfeeding gals (my Mom, Jaye, and Stacy) and Kellymom.  Going in, I sort of knew what the outcome would be.  Stimulation.  Breastfeeding is about supply and demand; if there is a demand, the milk supply increases.  Over the months I repeatedly made two mistakes in the stimulation department:  consistently offering Mrs. Left to Lulu first, and pumping Mrs. Left longer than Mrs. Right.  So you know what I did?

BOOM, baby!

I finally bought my double pump, and what a difference it has made.  Both boobs get pumped the same amount of time and for a longer amount of time.  And as an added bonus, I'm saving at least ten minutes per pumping session!  I test drove the new pump with a couple power pumping sessions last week and it was absolutely glorious.  

The breastfeeding gals even had me considering herbal supplements to encourage milk production.  And even though I had heard/read so many rave reviews about the use of Fenugreek, I was ultimately reluctant to use it.  The (rare, but still possible) side effects scare me too much, you can read about them here.  So I opted for some Organic Milkmaid Tea.  It doesn't work for everyone, but it seems to be helping me!  I drink it twice a day while at work, and holy geez does it has an interesting flavor; I can only describe it as unsalted chicken broth.

Yesterday my boobs were almost perfectly symmetrical in their output, but I began noticing a difference in Mrs. Right after day two of power pumping.

The things I do to feed my girl...

Has anyone out there ever been a little lopsided?  From what I hear, most women usually have an oversupply in their right breast, not the other way around - I guess that's just my luck...  Virtual high-fives to all those with double pumps!!!

Confessions: Week 13

Confession #27:  One time I accidentally sterilized my breast pump tubing.  And it melted.

Confession #28:  During my second pumping session on Thursday, Mrs. Right started bleeding....like a lot.  I was reading my book when I looked down and saw a thick ring of blood in the breast shield tunnel; then I saw blood dripping down into the connector, pooling in the valve.  ::gag::  I stopped pumping immediately, and, thankfully, no blood dripped down into the milk.  Commence freak out.  I called four lactation consultants (yes, FOUR, and not one of them answered), my OB, another breastfeeding momma (hi Stacy!), and my momma.  My Momma Bear suggested that I call the pump manufacturer, and that's when I finally got my answer.  Apparently my breast pump, The Swing, can only be used with one type of connector/pump body....  Meaning, my Medela Accessory Value Pack is proving to be less and less of a value.

Confession #29:  Today marks one full week of no walk-ins while pumping.  Hoorah!  Maybe my barricade is working? 



Happy Friday, dears!  I hope everyone has a great weekend.  If this is your first time visiting for my ohsobrilliant series Confessions of a Pumping Mother, you've got loads to catch up on!!

Confessions: Week 12

Confession #25:  Sometime last month I decided to save some money and be (even more) environmentally friendly by storing my breast milk in bottles instead of bags.  The switch has been great for the most part!  We're saving $5.99 a week on bags and we've cut down on trash; and, my dad/Fallon/Cole also seem to appreciate the conversion as well.  They no longer have to transfer breast milk to bottles (and risk spilling it all over themselves, the counter, and the floor - yes, they've done that a time or two).      

Confession #26:  After last week's confessions, I realized I needed to step up my game as far as keeping intruders out of my pumping lair. 

So far it has actually stopped one person from coming in - those office chairs are heavier than they look!  YAY for privacy!  I've also started hanging a sign that says, "In Use, PLEASE Knock".


New to my confessions?  Check out my other posts!  And, while you're at it, maybe you've got some confessing of your own to do...  Fess up, ladies!!!

Confessions: Week 8-11

Am I a terrible Catholic or what?  Its been weeks since my last confession!!

ETA:  Today marks my 3 month pump-iversary.  Wowza!

Confession #22:  I'm beginning to hate my right boob.

Confession #23:  I'm beginning to hate pumping in general.  Not so much that I'd ever think about quitting, but the flange situation combined with the general discomfort of pumping and the amount of time it takes me to pump....it can get frustrating some days...

Confession #24:  Two weeks ago a MAN walked in on me pumping.  I will never understand what would possess someone to open a closed door without knocking.  And then that following weekend, at a friend's baby shower, three separate women walked in on me nursing Lulu.  Granted I was in the purse room/office, but still, closed door!! 


These confessions are part of a series that I started shortly after returning to work, Confessions of a Pumping Mother.  My confessions range from ramblings to fun facts, to accidental mishaps (like this) and extreme pumping.

Put some breast milk on it.

Catchy title, huh?

Last week I got the mother of all cracks on my right nipple. 

I first noticed it whilst pumping at work (yup, just said "whilst").  At first I thought, "Hmm, maybe this is what a clogged duct feels like..."  So I immediately began texting other breastfeeding mothers for advice.  I then texted Casey, not a breastfeeding mother, but a boob man, and insisted he examine my nipple the moment I got home that evening.

I had an inkling that maybe my spiffy new flanges were too big.  Casey later confirmed my suspicions when he pointed out a crack in the shape of a perfect circle at the base of my nipple.  You see when your breastshield is too big, it pulls too much of the breast tissue into the funnel.  This causes chafing and, ultimately, cracking. 

It was crazy painful to pump - like cringing, fighting back tears painful.  The pain actually reminded me of the first two weeks I breastfed Goose.  Fortunately, nursing was not painful.

When I first told Casey about the pain I was having, he responded with, "Just put some breast milk on it."  So I did just that.  Throughout the day I would massage breast milk into the crack, and I used a little Lansinoh nipple cream at nighttime.  But what I find interesting about this whole situation is that the crack only happened on my right side...that same side is also the "under performer".  Coincidence? 

So, let this be a lesson to all the breastfeeding mothers that pump at one point or another:  a proper fitting breastshield/flange/whatchamacallit is of the utmost importance!!  I never would've thought that I, of all people, would have smaller than average nipples, but that apparently is the case...   

For more information on proper sizing, check out the Medela website.  I also like this diagram for comparing different size shields. 

Unfortunately, most stores that I've been in only carry the medium size shield (24 mm)....  So if you're like me, with unusually small nipples, you'll need to order online.    


photo source

Confessions: Week 7

Confession #19:  I beat that crazy lady to the conference room!  I turned the corner and cut her off (accidentally, of course), and all but ran to get to the conference room before her.

Confession #20:  When I pump it feels like my nipples are slowly being split open.  Me no likey.

Confession #21:  I only put Lucy to the breast twice yesterday.  That is just how little I saw her.  Part of that is my fault, because we had to reschedule our date night from Friday to Thursday, BUT that ten hour work day isn't helping the situation.



These confessions are part of a series that I started shortly after returning to work, Confessions of a Pumping Mother.  My confessions range from ramblings to fun facts, to accidental mishaps (like this) and extreme pumping.  Did you miss last week's confessions? 

Confessions: Week 6

Confession #15:  I cannot eat while I pump or breastfeed.  I just can't.  It makes me uncomfy.  I know that my tuna sandwich isn't going to go directly into my breast milk...but still...its weird.  And I think eating while breastfeeding is just rude.  Excuse me, Lulu, I'd rather eat my popsicle than stare into your dreamy eyes. 

Confession #16:  Miss Left put out 7 ounces this morning.  You go girl!

Confession #17:  If I am still working after this Christmas, I am first going to kick and scream, and then I'm going to buy a new DOUBLE breast pump.

Confession #18:  I splurged and bought myself two new breast shields yesterday.  I bet your jealous, huh?  Don't be.  After buying, and then using, these breast shields I realized they were the wrong size.  Awesome.
 
Did you miss last week's confessions?  You poor thing!  Go!  Go read them all NOW!   

Any of my pumping momma friends out there want to confess?  Now's the time!  

Confessions: Week 5

Confession #11:  I wish that I could pump at my desk, I'd rock a hands free pump and all.  I'd get so much more work done!

Confession #12:  The very first thing I do when I sit down to pump, in the office and at home, is take my shoes off.

Confession #13:  (more of a fun fact than a confession) the skin on and around your breasts - like your arm pits (!) - may become itchy during let down.  Just another fun sign of a healthy let down.  Happens to me quite often thankyouverymuch.

Confession #14:  I call my dad and/or Fallon three times a day, during every pump break, for an update on Goose.  This annoys the hell out of my dad, but Fallon humors me.  Hey!  It preserves my sanity, ok?! 

Update on Auntie:  She was discharged from the hospital Thursday night, after some exploratory and minor surgery.  She is doing MUCH better!

Love you, Sissy!

The Bond

The bond between a mother and child is what motivates her to stick out the first few painful weeks of nursing, when both momma and baby are adjusting to the newness of it all.

The bond between a mother and child is what drives her to spend several hours a day pumping, just so that her baby can have the very best while momma is away.

The bond between a mother and child is what pries her out of bed at 2:30 in the morning, for middle of the night feeds and lullabies. 

The bond between a mother and child is formed from the very moment baby latches, and that bond lays the foundation for the most beautiful and loving relationship that can only exist between a momma and her baby.

Everytime I hold your hand, I feel love.

Everytime I look into your eyes, I see love. 

Every smile, coo, and giggle fills me with love.

How is it possible to love someone this much?

-----

The topic for this week's blog hop was bonding.  For other great breastfeeding blogs, check out the Breastfeeding Blog Hop over at Life With Levi!

Confessions: Week 3 & 4

Were you missing your weekly confessions last week?  I sure was!

You'd think having only worked 2.5 days last week, I wouldn't have much to confess.  Well you'd be wrong, my dears!  To make up for my absence....EXTRA confessions!!!

Confession #6:  (unrelated to breastfeeding) I stopped wearing make up after Lucy was born.   Not sure if that makes me a feminist or just lazy.

Confession #7:  There is an obscene amount of breast milk on the conference room table. 

Confession #8:  When getting dressed in the morning, I have to ask myself, Can I yank my boob out easily in this top?

Confession #9:  It happened...my biggest fear...someone walked in on me pumping last week.  AND after she realized what I was doing, she still asked if she could use the phone in the conference room.  ::smacks head::  NO!  No you cannot, lady!!!

Confession #10:  I have to walk by the office candy bowl every time I go to pump, and every time I need to tell myself, NO!  Two pounds, TWOOO pounds!!!


Have you entered to win your custom canvas print yet?  The GIVEAWAY ends tomorrow!!!

Extreme Pumping

I've invented a new sport!  I can't believe I didn't post about this sooner!!!

Last Friday, I strolled into my makeshift mothers room for my morning pump session, and came to the frightening realization that I had forgotten my pump.

Panic strikes...WHAT IF I CAN'T PUMP ALL DAY?!....I'LL EXPLODE!!!!!   

After calling my mom, Casey, and my dad, I decide to meet my dad halfway between my office and Fountain Thrills to pick up my pump.  This is all well and good, except loads AND LOADS of time are being wasted.

Then...a flash of brilliance...YES!...I will pump while I drive, in an effort to recoup some of my lost morning!!! It can't be that hard, right?

Wrong.

I drive a manual.  And the route to and from my office happened to be under construction that morning...  So there was a lot of stop and go, and A LOT of staring.  I can only imagine the number of people that saw my ladies in action that morning....pretty much anyone in a truck or SUV could look right into my car.  It didn't matter to me though, because I was on a mission.  It all worked out in the end; I got my pumping session and Lulu had milk for her next time at Auntie Fallon Daycare*. 

Maybe I'm falling into a pattern of extreme breastfeeding in general....first I was the boob dangling momma, and now I'm the extreme pumping momma!  The things I do for this sweet face...

*Auntie Fallon has taken over daycare duties for the time being, due to some medical issues Grandpa is facing.  Post on that to come...

Confessions of a Pumping Mother: Week 3

Confession #6:  Mrs. Right produces a lot less than Mrs. Left.  I'd venture to say about half as much...  I'm actually a little embarrassed for her.

Confession #7:  (completely unrelated to breastfeeding) I actually prefer my Infantino carrier to the Moby wrap.  Gasp!

Confession #8:  It finally happened...twice actually...someone was in my makeshift mothers room when I needed to pump. I ended up in an empty cubicle on the unoccupied portion of our floor....verrrry awkward, to say the least.

Maybe confession #5 jinxed me.....

Confessions of a Pumping Mother: Week 2

Confession #3:  I am terrified of someone walking in on me while pumping.  I used to sit in front of the door, as a human barricade, but then my pump batteries died....so now I sit near the electrical outlet, opposite the door.

Confession #4:  I find pumping to be mildly uncomfy.

Confession #5:  I worry that this abandoned room used to be someone's secret hiding place before I converted it to a Mothers Room.  I dread the day that I walk into the room and someone else is already in there.

Reverse Cycling: A Working Mom's Worst Nightmare

Remember how Lucy wasn't the hugest fan of daycare not so long ago?  Well...she still doesn't *love* it, but she has adjusted somewhat over the past three weeks.  See:

That's a content Goose, if I've ever seen one.

That first week, though, THAT was brutal.  After finding a bottle that Lulu would accept, she suddenly decided to stop eating for Auntie Fallon and Grandpa.

Can you say stressful? 

As a new mom, already experiencing massive loads of guilt from returning to work, this killed me.  Day after day my dad and sister would tell me, "She's not eating" or "She's had two ounces over the last eight hours".  WHAT?!

I contemplated going home, meeting my dad halfway between home and work to feed her, and even taking time off work (permanently).  None of the above made any sense in the long run.  I called the pediatrician, who confirmed the obvious:  that she wasn't eating enough.  Big help doc, thanks a million!

One friend mentioned the possibility of Reverse Cycling (thanks, Kim!), and directed me to this website.  Kellymom has always been hugely helpful with all of my breastfeeding questions; I was actually kind of embarrassed that I hadn't thought to check there!

Reverse cycling is when a baby eats very little while momma is away, just enough to curb their hunger, and then nurses frequently and for longer periods when momma is home.  Apparently some women encourage this behavior so that they can pump less during the day.  I am not one of those mothers!

Reverse cycling is most common in breastfed babies that are just starting out on the bottle, but newborns can also experience it when they get their days and nights mixed up. 

While reverse cycling isn't anything to worry about, it is important for caregivers to monitor wet diapers and signs of dehydration.  Our pediatrician actually brought up the possible need for Pedialyte (also known as Baby Gatorade), should Goosey continue to not eat.  Thankfully it never came down to that!  After five verrry long days, Goosey started eating regularly; and we haven't had any problems since! 

 I eat so good now, Momma!  No more worrying!!!

NEW SERIES Confessions of a Pumping Mother

I spend just under 1.5 hours pumping per day during the work week (3 sessions).  I use an empty conference room on the unoccupied portion of our floor, rather than going down 8 floors to the Mother's Room in HR.

Sitting in a room, alone, with a breast pump...well...things can get a little crazy.  My mind wanders.  This series is all about my random thoughts and adventures while pumping in the office.  Thrilling, I know.  I can see your anticipation through the computer screen. 

We all know about last week's mishap.  Here are a couple more confessions from last week:

Confession #1:  Because the floor is unoccupied, the janitorial staff doesn't stop by often...I have unknowingly filled the garbage can in the last two weeks. 

Confession #2:  I have this (slightly irrational) fear of falling asleep while pumping, and waking up to a shriveled boob. 

That REALLY just happened...

Lesson learned:  Do not transfer breast milk from pump to storage bag over lap.

Going back to work sucks.

I had my first cry at 5:00 this morning.

And then I cried off and on until 6:30, when I pulled into my parent's driveway.

Every time I looked at her, or thought about leaving her, the tears started flowing.  I think it hurt most to know that she would cry, and I wouldn't be able to comfort her.  I was also extremely worried about the bottle situation; prior to this afternoon, we hadn't successfully introduced the bottle to Lucy Lu (don't you worry, there is a post coming on that).

I left Lucy at 7:05, and I didn't return home to my sweet pea until 5:25 - easily the longest day of my life.

Everyone was incredibly sweet and welcoming at work, and I had TONS of work to keep me busy, BUT the day moved at a snail's pace.  I'm dreading the rest of the week.  At least the first day is behind us...

I was able to pump three times throughout the day.  I'm hoping to get on a better schedule over time, because it was a little overwhelming and awkward today.  I noticed that my supply took a bit of a hit after my first pumping session; I didn't eat breakfast until about 9:00 (and I woke up at 3:45) and I didn't drink nearly enough water.  Combine both of those factors with loads of stress, and you've got yourself a less than ideal pumping session.  Don't fret, dear readers!  I guzzled some water, and things improved almost immediately.

Believe me when I say that I am TRYING to find a way to stay home with Goose:  Casey and I are taking steps to sell my car; I'm researching part-time jobs in town; and, I've drafted a new, single income budget.  Hopefully one day very soon, this dream will become a reality; and, if not, my company has implemented a Flex Time program, that may enable me to work earlier hours and/or work from home.

Reunited at last!

Smart Pumping

Disclaimer:  Brother, if you're reading this, you may want to stop...boob talk to follow.

I often imagine my readers shaking their heads in disbelief while reading my posts: at the stupidity, strange choices, and oversharing. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those posts.  Just know that I tell you these things because I love you guys and I want you to avoid my mistakes.

I don't know if most women have this knowledge passed down to them, if they're born with it, or if they really did their homework prior to giving birth; but, I didn't have a clue what I was doing up until recently.  I had read the breast pump instruction manual, so I knew how to pump, BUT I didn't know how to pump effectively or how to store breast millk.  One day, after dumping TWELVE bottles of breast milk down the kitchen sink, I decided it was time to google.

In the beginning, I mainly pumped for relief (mistake #1).  The twelve bottles that I threw out were one ounce portions, that I had pumped at random and couldn't combine due to their dates (mistake #2).

So, how do you pump effectively?  Well....when your milk comes in, your boobs transform into these rock-hard, mini watermelons; naturally, increasing your supply is the last thing on your mind.  In order to become the most efficient dairy cow (or breastfeeding goddess, whichever you prefer), you should pump frequently in the early weeks to build up your freezer supply and stimulate production.  Your body will adjust supply over time to meet your baby's needs. 

Pumping on top of breastfeeding is a little challenging, because you can't skip a feeding to pump.  You've got two options:  pumping after each feeding and/or pumping first thing in the morning.  Pumping after each feeding can become a little tedious, especially for just an ounce of milk; but, it does have its benefits.  Completely emptying the breast reduces the risk of clogged milk ducts and helps build supply.  Pumping in the morning is extremely effective.  When your baby sleeps for long stretches of time (hopefully at night), your boobs become engorged; as a result you can pump 5 ounces, and still have milk left to nurse your baby.

Once you've pumped, you'll need to store your milk in a manner that best suits your needs.  First off, know that you can combine milk from different pumping sessions within a 24 hour period.  I find it best to freeze your milk in 2 and 4 ounce portions; this is helpful for those making your baby's bottles.  There are many containers for storing breast milk:  bags, bottles, jars, and even ice cube trays...  I've tried the bags and I've tried the bottles; the bags are inexpensive and a great space saver.  But, bottles and jars have their advantages too; after researching a bit, it seems as though bottles and jars do a better job protecting the nutrients in breast milk (source).  If you scroll towards the bottom of this page, you can see an excellent guide for storing breast milk at different temperatures.

Lastly, I have to plug these micro-steam sterilizing bags one more time!  They make cleaning your pump accessories and bottles SO easy!!!

 This girl likes herself some breast milk.