The awkward and personal things...

...that people say, ask, and share with you when you're a mom.

I hear the strangest things when I'm grocery shopping, getting gas, strolling through the mall, you name it.  Having a baby is like an invitation for unwanted small talk.  I realize that might make me sound like an evil old shrew, but its the truth.

People will come up to me and ask a pretty generic question, how old is she or what's her name, just so they can tell me about THEIR children or THEIR birth weight or THEIR chronic asthma.  I do not freaking care cashier lady!  Give me my damn receipt, and let me be on my merry way!!!

No really, I do NOT care.

Grocery shopping used to be very therapeutic for me (pre-Lucy).  I used to take my time, stroll through every aisle thinking about possible new recipes....  Now its a game of speed.  In and out.  I even made a comprehensive shopping list to help move things along.  It doesn't matter though, because at least two people will stop me in the store to tell me all about how they were in labor for 45 hours and had a 13 pound baby..

Some of the weird things that I've been asked and/or told....

(Male) cashier at Fry's...  Was your husband in the room for the birth? 

Florist at Safeway (after first, VERY clearly, glancing at my boobs)...  So you're breastfeeding?

Co-worker (that I am not close with by any means)...  Did you lose all of the baby weight yet?  Did you get a lot of stretch marks? 

Fellow Costco customer...  She's so big!!!  She must have been a big baby to birth!  Did you tear a whole lot?

Nurse at Pediatrician #1's office...  THAT'S a c-section baby!!!  I can tell by the head!

Bag boy at Safeway...  You must feel a lot of relief carrying her on the outside now.  You were pretty huge!

My least favorite, and unfortunately most common comment, You're not feeding her enough!  

HAHA!  You're hilarious.

Am I the only one?  PLEASE tell me some of you mommas have had to deal with comments like these!

Confessions: Week 5

Confession #11:  I wish that I could pump at my desk, I'd rock a hands free pump and all.  I'd get so much more work done!

Confession #12:  The very first thing I do when I sit down to pump, in the office and at home, is take my shoes off.

Confession #13:  (more of a fun fact than a confession) the skin on and around your breasts - like your arm pits (!) - may become itchy during let down.  Just another fun sign of a healthy let down.  Happens to me quite often thankyouverymuch.

Confession #14:  I call my dad and/or Fallon three times a day, during every pump break, for an update on Goose.  This annoys the hell out of my dad, but Fallon humors me.  Hey!  It preserves my sanity, ok?! 

Update on Auntie:  She was discharged from the hospital Thursday night, after some exploratory and minor surgery.  She is doing MUCH better!

Love you, Sissy!

(Guest Blogger: Meghan) A Healthy Competition

Today's guest post comes from Meg over at Phase Three of Life.  Meg is a good friend of mine and a fellow new momma.  I like to stop by her blog on the daily for a chuckle and to stare at my future son-in-law.  I encourage all of my lovely readers to do the same!  (the chuckling, not the staring)


-----

I'm not a very competitive person. In fact, I sort of shy away from competition.

All those stories about soccer moms/dads who lose their minds over whether their kid's team was scoring enough or playing adequate defense? Yeah, so not me. I'd be the one on the sidelines with a cooler full of beer, relaxing in my lawn chair, enjoying the nice day.

What? You can't bring beer to your kid's soccer game? What is happening to America??

But then one day last week, Mike came home with a challenge. He'd picked Ryan up from daycare, and the teachers had pointed out the door to his "classroom." It had been decorated with white paper plates that had little red and blue baby footprints stamped all over them. Each classroom had decorated their door in July 4th patriotic fashion.

Aw, that's nice.

Oh, but it's not just nice. It's a competition. You see, photos of each door had been uploaded to the daycare's Facebook page. The classroom with the most votes was going to win a "special prize."

I immediately flew onto Facebook, liked the page and liked my kid's door.

Then I commented with a "Let's do this!"

Our door - the Infant "Pods" - already had about 35 votes and was just a handful of votes behind Classroom #9: The Preschoolers. Each of the other doors only had a few votes each, so it became clear pretty quickly that the Infant Pods and Classroom #9 were going to battle it out.

I fired off a Facebook message to 35 of my closest family and friends.

Then I sat and watched as the first few votes started to roll in. As the day went on, we surpassed Classroom #9 and slowly began to distance ourselves.

They attempted to rally, bringing in several new votes. I strategized with Mike, telling him to hold off voting so that we could use him as a last-minute tie-breaker, if needed.

But my friends and their Facebook addictions proved too powerful for those Preschoolers. The Infant Pods prevailed, with a crushing final score of 74-65!

As you might imagine, the babies were beside themselves with excitement and pride. And Ms. Jen happily reported to Mike that they won an ice cream party!

I won?  Really?

Wait. Can a 9-month-old even eat ice cream?

I think I got too into it.

Extreme Pumping

I've invented a new sport!  I can't believe I didn't post about this sooner!!!

Last Friday, I strolled into my makeshift mothers room for my morning pump session, and came to the frightening realization that I had forgotten my pump.

Panic strikes...WHAT IF I CAN'T PUMP ALL DAY?!....I'LL EXPLODE!!!!!   

After calling my mom, Casey, and my dad, I decide to meet my dad halfway between my office and Fountain Thrills to pick up my pump.  This is all well and good, except loads AND LOADS of time are being wasted.

Then...a flash of brilliance...YES!...I will pump while I drive, in an effort to recoup some of my lost morning!!! It can't be that hard, right?

Wrong.

I drive a manual.  And the route to and from my office happened to be under construction that morning...  So there was a lot of stop and go, and A LOT of staring.  I can only imagine the number of people that saw my ladies in action that morning....pretty much anyone in a truck or SUV could look right into my car.  It didn't matter to me though, because I was on a mission.  It all worked out in the end; I got my pumping session and Lulu had milk for her next time at Auntie Fallon Daycare*. 

Maybe I'm falling into a pattern of extreme breastfeeding in general....first I was the boob dangling momma, and now I'm the extreme pumping momma!  The things I do for this sweet face...

*Auntie Fallon has taken over daycare duties for the time being, due to some medical issues Grandpa is facing.  Post on that to come...