That time I had to cut Parker out of his onesie.

Yesterday marked the 7th day in Parker's pooping strike.  I mentioned this to Grampy, and he decided to give Car Car a good bouncing.  After nearly 45 minutes of bouncing, my dad said, "Don't be surprised if he poops later."  And he was right.  Parker pooped later.  Parker pooped A LOT.  And it was literally the scariest shit I have ever seen.

((Prepare yourself, because I'm about to give a minute by minute recap of the event.))

Parker was in his jumperoo when he suddenly became very fussy.  Since the boy almost never fusses, I picked him up immediately.  He smelled awful.  Huh, guess he finally pooped...  

::walking to the nursery::  Oh God, this is going to suck.

I laid him on the floor of the nursery, expecting to find poop up and down his pant legs; but after a quick inspection, I was surprised to find the leg gussets holding strong.  I put a new diaper under him and peeled open the diaper he was wearing...and that's when I noticed that the new diaper was suddenly covered in poop.  What the hell??  How did that get there?!   I rolled Parker to one side and saw what looked like massive love handles in his onesie; but they weren't love handles.  Babies don't have love handles.  It was gobs and gobs of yellow shit.  It was freakish.  I lifted the onesie and his entire back-- up to his friggin armpits-- was covered.

I froze.  What the hell do I do??  Why did this have to happen when Casey wasn't home?  Maybe we should wait for him.... Or maybe I should call someone.  Who the hell can I call??

That's when I realized all this crap was about to ooze onto the rug.  I stuffed a burpie under his butt and bolted into the kitchen for scissors and a towel-- all while yelling, "LUCY, DON'T TOUCH THE POOP!" over and over again.

There was no way to pull the onesie over his head.  So I started snipping.  (Fortunately he was wearing one of those cheap white Gerber onesies underneath his outfit, so it wasn't much of a sacrifice.  Can you believe it was the one time I actually listened to my mom about dressing the kids in layers??  Go figure.)  All I could think was, I can't believe I'm literally cutting a piece of clothing off my kid.  I sat him up and started wiping him down.  His back, his belly, his arms and wrists, his thighs.  Then I transferred him to the towel and re-wiped him.  I threw out the massive, poopy heap of burp cloth, diapers, and approximately 10,000 wipes, and plopped Parker in the bath.

Parker's all, "You'll get over it, Ma." 

Absolutely.horrifying. Do you think this is bad karma for switching to disposables?

PS - Lucy pooped on the kitchen floor tonight.  So, overall, not a good poop week for the Shelton household.  

The girl that wouldn't poop.

Prune juice, suppositories and enemas, oh my!

7 8 days.  That's the current record between Lulu's BMs.  (tmi?)  This girl has got some serious poop issues...  And it is heartbreaking.

Pretty much since we started solid food we've had this problem.  Everything was going just fine while we utilized the 4 day wait rule, but all hell broke loose when we started including more than one food at each meal.  So then I tried giving her only oatmeal for 9 days; I thought, "Hey, it's bland, it's fiber, she loves it and has been eating it without any problems."  Makes sense, right?  Wrong.

I've gone back and forth with our pediatrician a million times.  They've been less than helpful...  Over the past two weeks this kid has pooped 3 times.

We've tried:

Tummy Massage
Bicycling her legs
Warm Baths
Prune Juice
Suppositories
Q-tip and Vaseline

...the next step is an enema, and I do NOT want it to come to that.  

Last night I had a dream that she finally pooped...  I'm dreaming about poop.  WHAT.THE.EFF.

My Weekend

I’m not usually one for weekend recaps, (because honestly, who cares about all the running around I did?) but this weekend three very special things happened:

1)     I learned how to use Pinterest and spent a good chunk of my “me time” on the Food and Drink board.  Also, for those thinking I'm evil and corrupt please note, my “me time” occurs between the hours of 9-10pm - after the kitchen has been cleaned, the diapers washed, and the Goose put to bed.   

2)    There was a poopsplosion.  (Back story:  I gave Lulu a couple bites of banana last Thursday and apparently a few critical bodily functions were held up.)  My poor baby has had the worst gas pains and stomach aches for the past two nights.  I was so nervous about introducing bananas, because we have a banana allergy in the family and bananas are notorious for causing constipation; and as a breastfed baby, Lulu is more prone to constipation.  I should have listened to my gut and held off on introducing them...  Momma FAIL.  I will never give this girl another banana.  Is anyone else out there dealing with infant constipation?  Any suggestions?     

3)    And Lulu had her 6 month portrait session.  We absolutely loved our photographer!  She took us out to DC Marketplace, bright and early, on Sunday morning.  The weather was beautiful, Lulu looked stunning AND cooperated 98% of the time, and we got some gorgeous pictures.  We’ve only seen a preview, but we are sooo in LOVE and cannot wait to see the rest.  Check em’ out!