((Prepare yourself, because I'm about to give a minute by minute recap of the event.))
Parker was in his jumperoo when he suddenly became very fussy. Since the boy almost never fusses, I picked him up immediately. He smelled awful. Huh, guess he finally pooped...
::walking to the nursery:: Oh God, this is going to suck.
I laid him on the floor of the nursery, expecting to find poop up and down his pant legs; but after a quick inspection, I was surprised to find the leg gussets holding strong. I put a new diaper under him and peeled open the diaper he was wearing...and that's when I noticed that the new diaper was suddenly covered in poop. What the hell?? How did that get there?! I rolled Parker to one side and saw what looked like massive love handles in his onesie; but they weren't love handles. Babies don't have love handles. It was gobs and gobs of yellow shit. It was freakish. I lifted the onesie and his entire back-- up to his friggin armpits-- was covered.
I froze. What the hell do I do?? Why did this have to happen when Casey wasn't home? Maybe we should wait for him.... Or maybe I should call someone. Who the hell can I call??
That's when I realized all this crap was about to ooze onto the rug. I stuffed a burpie under his butt and bolted into the kitchen for scissors and a towel-- all while yelling, "LUCY, DON'T TOUCH THE POOP!" over and over again.
There was no way to pull the onesie over his head. So I started snipping. (Fortunately he was wearing one of those cheap white Gerber onesies underneath his outfit, so it wasn't much of a sacrifice. Can you believe it was the one time I actually listened to my mom about dressing the kids in layers?? Go figure.) All I could think was, I can't believe I'm literally cutting a piece of clothing off my kid. I sat him up and started wiping him down. His back, his belly, his arms and wrists, his thighs. Then I transferred him to the towel and re-wiped him. I threw out the massive, poopy heap of burp cloth, diapers, and approximately 10,000 wipes, and plopped Parker in the bath.
|Parker's all, "You'll get over it, Ma."|
Absolutely.horrifying. Do you think this is bad karma for switching to disposables?
PS - Lucy pooped on the kitchen floor tonight. So, overall, not a good poop week for the Shelton household.