Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Everything is hard.

We're living at my parents' house right now. 

Our air conditioner broke last Sunday. 

We are so effed.  To say that things are tight, would be a massive understatement.  We can't afford to buy a new a/c unit and we don't qualify for financing.  I have no clue what we're going to do.  It's summer...

That's the most immediate issue we're dealing with, but there is so much more...

I have anxiety.  Really bad anxiety.   
I'm going back to school (which I'll elaborate on in a separate post).  Class starts at the end of May.
I got a part-time job last week.  I'm enjoying it, but childcare and pumping are an issue.
Our marriage is a balancing act.
Parker is a teething nightmare. 
Lucy can be bipolar at times.

It just feels like a lot.  I don't know how to climb out of the hole.  I'm trying to stay positive and I'm always praying, but sometimes I feel hopeless and whiny.  (Like right now.  Sorry, readers.)

I didn't know how bad my anxiety was until recently.  It's like I've been in a fog for the past 5 years - since we got engaged.  It's the root of all my anger management issues.  I've jokingly referred to it as 'Survivor Mode' in the past, but that's exactly what it is- surviving, not living.  I put so much pressure on myself.  To have a big wedding.  To buy a house and fix it up.  To be the best parent.  I felt like I needed to prove to myself and everyone else that we could do it, despite our age.  And now, after 4 years of marriage (next Wednesday), I know that it can be done.  But at a price. 

I finally know why my parents said not to get married when we did.  They weren't saying not to marry Casey...  They wanted us to be kids a little longer, instead of rushing into all the responsibilities that come with being an adult.  They wanted us to finish school and have good jobs, so we wouldn't have to struggle like we are now. 

Hindsight is 20/20.  Right, friends?

And if anybody knows an HVAC guy, holla!


  1. I totally get the anxiety (and not realizing it!). We should go get that lunch we have been talking about! I'm home with the baby and a little reprieve from thinking about all the grown up stuff might help :)

  2. Sorry everything is piling up at once. We live in Florida and our A/C also went out a couple of weeks ago. We got several of the smallest window units (one for the living room, master, and baby's room) for around $100 each and that, along with fans make it tolerable while we save for a new unit. Hope your load lightens soon!

  3. You're in Phoenix right? I am and I know lots of HVAC people. Contact me!