Thursday, October 25, 2012

Thankful Thursday (almost Friday)

I'm sad to say that some days I do not appreciate being home with the kids.  Like when both kids are screaming, Parker won't nap, Lucy is coloring on the walls, one of their diapers leaks, I haven't eaten breakfast OR lunch, and, holy crap, I have a huge cookie order to fill by tomorrow.  There are days that I don't brush my teeth until 2 pm.  There are days that I count the minutes until Casey gets home. And sometimes, when I'm at my breaking point, I lose my patience for a split second-- I snap at Lucy or I groan when Parker wakes up from a 20 minute nap.

That makes me feel incredibly guilty, like the world's biggest tool bag.  My babies are doing nothing wrong or unnatural; they are communicating in the only way they know how; they are learning.  This time - having 2U2 - is so demanding, challenging, mind-numbing, fleeting.  I can't spend it aggravated by the dirty dishes.  One day, my babies won't need me.  I have made a conscious effort to soak up as much Lucy and Parker as this mommy sponge is humanly capable of, because there is nothing more important than those little smiles and giggles.

I'm also sad to say that after everything our marriage has been through, there are still times that we get on each other's nerves.  Casey has this tendency to leave things laying, dirty clothes, tools.  (I'm staring at a bottle of Elmer's Wood Glue as I type this post - he used it earlier this evening and left it in our living room.)  I don't necessarily snap at him every time I feel annoyed, but I do tend to dwell on things (which leads to the occasional wife meltdown).                

Two weeks ago, I was reminded of how lucky I am to have him.  Casey was in a severe car accident.  He was hit head-on while making a left turn.  The other driver was speeding, driving without his lights, and ran a red light.  Casey's car was totaled...but he walked away with just some scratches and bruising.  That day could have been so much worse.  We could have lost him.  And now I remind myself of that every time I see his dirty running shoes strewn about in the living room.

But the inspiration for this post has nothing to do with either of those things.  The inspiration for this post came about this afternoon...after the bank called.  With just one week left of my maternity leave, we've been faced with a very stressful financial situation: the cost of full-time daycare for two is more than my monthly salary.  We can't afford for me to keep working and we can't afford for me to stop working (entirely).  The situation seemed pretty hopeless; but God pulled through for us today.  Just as He has in a series of events leading up to this point.  We are grateful and we are humbled.

Matthew 7:7  Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know you or the intimate details of your marriage but please know that even the best of marriages has tough times. Even the strongest, kindest people get annoyed by their spouses. Even the most compassionate person can roll their eyes and bite back a comment once in a while. Even the most patient lose it sometimes. Marriage is about the good out weighing the bad - not eliminating the bad. Allow yourself to get frustrated because it is through that frustration that you'll realize how awesome he really is - and the same will be true for him. You can't have the good without the bad...

    Good luck!