Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Can you believe it? I still can't. This little one was a complete surprise.
I tested on January 12 and the positive showed up almost immediately. I.was.shocked. As in, speechless-statue-locked-in-my-sister's-bathroom-for-fifteen-minutes shocked. Saw my OB last Tuesday and Thursday to check my HCG levels; and she called last Friday to say my levels were increasing nicely, also estimated that I was 7-8 weeks along. Ultrasound will be on Monday to confirm!
The circumstances couldn't be further from ideal, but that doesn't matter, because I already feel so much love for my baby; and I'm proud of that feeling. When I found out that I was pregnant with Lucy, I was terrified. I was so afraid of the unknown that I never really bonded with my belly. But this time I know what to expect. I know how much joy and happiness this baby will bring me. I know how much I will love being a mother to this child.
And that's not to say that I'm not scared, because I am, because ohmygah I am going to have TWO kids! But my fears are significantly lessened by the thought of holding my squishy newborn, seeing Lucy as a big sister, and the opportunity to do things "the right way" this time. (Sorry Lu, you had to be the crash test dummy!)
Two.kids. Two.freaking.kids. TWO FREAKING KIDS UNDER TWO YEARS OLD.