Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Other Me

Do you ever wonder about the parallel universe where the other you lives?  You know, the part of you that chose the opposite in every decision you ever made...  I don't usually, but yesterday I found myself wondering about her.

What if I didn't marry Casey 4 years ago?

I would have finished my bachelors degree.
I would be an accountant or an underwriter where my mom works.
I would have a substantial salary and I would spend it selfishly.
I would buy $5 coffees, schedule massages every month and sign up for a gym membership.
I would wish for a boyfriend and wonder why I didn't have one.
I would be obsessed with my weight and my appearance.
I wouldn't have many friends; instead, I would cling to my siblings despite growing apart from them.
I would have time to myself.  Too much time.  I would be lonely.

I wouldn't be happy. 

I wouldn't have two little people at home that love me and need me.  Two little people that I love more than anything else-- even cake.  Two little people that I would do anything for.  Two little smiles that are contagious and impossible not to return.  Two big, chubby bellies that are meant to be squeezed and tickled.

I wouldn't know love.

Our life is not perfect.  Our life is not what I expected it to be or what I daydreamed about in high school.  Life is hard.  And hectic.  And messy.  And sometimes unfair.  (Another lesson learned!)  But I have no regrets and I don't envy that girl.   

1 comment:

  1. I play this game sometimes. The other me would have chosen the internship in Indiana instead of Arizona (I had a choice ... and I remembered one professor who told me that if I had the chance to work outside of the midwest, I should take it. I respected him, so I followed his advice.) I would have met Mike, I wouldn't have Ryan. I think I still could have found happiness but I think my life would look very, very differently right now.

    It's crazy how little decisions along the way totally shape the paths of our lives and who we become.