Drool Factory

Parker drools a lot.  We love him despite this.

It amazes me how much saliva that little mouth of his can produce.  He soaks through a bib like it's nobody's business-- 4 or 5 a day to be exact.  Baltic Amber is not helping at all.  And I'm pissed!  It worked wonders for Lucy!!  She started wearing her necklace at the same age, and the drooling scaled back right away; she also had a fairly easy time cutting teeth.  Parker has been wearing his for almost 2 months and we haven't seen any improvement.  AND NOW HE'S TEETHING.

Orajel scares me, and this stupid necklace isn't doing a darn thing.  What are we supposed to do??

I don't know, momma!  Wahhhhhh

Pumping Problems and Being Disorganized

There are 168 hours in a week, and, between my two farmers markets, I am away from the kids for 15 of those hours.  In terms of breastfeeding, that means I need to pump approximately 5 bottles for Parker.  In reality, I have a hard time scrounging up even 1 or 2 bottles most weeks.  Which means my mom or my dad, or Casey, has to bring Parker to me to nurse on those days.  It's inconvenient for them, and I feel kind of douchey for putting them in that situation.  Yet formula is not an option.  It's an added expense and I worry that supplementing with 1 or 2 bottles will eventually increase into 3, 4, and 5 bottles...until we're just a formula family entirely.  And for what?  So I can bake??  No thanks.

One reason it's so difficult for me to find time to pump is because I'm with Parker the other 153 hours of the week.  My one chance to pump is during his first, long stretch of sleep every night-- so that's going to start happening.  I've also begun taking Fenugreek, because my supply always seems to dip after the markets.  It's impossible for me to pump or nurse regularly on those days; and, last Thursday, I went over 8 hours without either.  Uncomfortable and bad for supply.

(I know this isn't the most riveting blog post, but it's one more way for me to be held accountable.)

((Also, I'd like to remember these little things one day.  I will most likely laugh at myself for being so dramatic.))

But the other reason it's so hard for me to pump (or do anything, really) is because I am so incredibly disorganized.  Everything is hard for me.  Pumping, making a grocery list, meal planning and executing said meal plan, folding the laundry, showering, talking to people, the list goes on and on.  I will go grocery shopping, buy $100 worth of food, and still not know what to make for dinner.  I feel so overwhelmed and just plain weird.  Like I'm imbalanced.  I never used to be this way!  Thoughts will cross my mind, but I have a hard time getting those thoughts on paper (because 10 other things will pop into my head, and I'll forget the original thought); so those thoughts never become actions and I get frustrated, and it's basically one big, stupid cycle.  Am I depressed?  Am I just stupid or a total cry baby??  This is not me. 

I could have implemented this pumping schedule and Fenugreek popping back in November, when I started doing these markets, but I didn't.  And even though my mom and Casey reminded me that I needed to start pumping EVERY WEEK, I didn't.  I said, "Yeah, I know.  It's on my list."  (My list of shit that never gets done...)  I have never been such a scatterbrain.  I'm pretty sure it all has to do with the bakery.  Because on the days where I'm just Momma, not Momma + Baker, I'm a lot less likely to cry and hide.  I love baking, and it's been so fun to participate in farmers markets and receive so much positive feedback about my cookies; but a part of me wonders knows it was the wrong time to launch.  (You know, less than two months after Parker was born.)  I wanted to (needed to) help contribute to our household financially after I left my full-time job.  Everything comes down to money.  (One of the awesome things about being a young family!)

I underestimated this bakery-- the amount of work, time and money it takes to start and maintain a business.  Combined with the amount of work it takes to run a household full time, I'm zapped.  I'm juggling more than I ever have.  But I can't just quit.  I have too much invested in this venture, and I enjoy it most of the time.  I keep promising myself that it's going to get easier, that I'll develop a more streamlined schedule via meal planning and chore charts and weekly planners.  But what happens when those things don't help?  Um, I'll crash and burn.  That's what.

So that's that.  A promise to pump and still totally frazzled.  I guess, if anything, this proves that I am loooong overdue for a visit with my therapist, yes?  Any suggestions on how to suck less are welcome! (Or meal plans, or extra limbs/more hours in the day/a massage, etc etc.)

I want to hold your hand

Oh please say to me
You'll let me hold your hand

::melts into puddle::

What did she just say??!

So, we were in Target last night.

(I needed some storage tubs for all the new toys the kids got for Christmas.  What the hell was I thinking buying all of that crap??)

While perusing the aisles, I overheard Lucy say a four-letter word.  A very, very bad four-letter word.  I looked to Casey, and, together in unison, we said, "What did she just say??!"

I.was.shocked.  "Did she just say what I think she said?  No, she couldn't have, it sounded more like ---"

And then Lucy yelled f*$#, f^*!, f%&*.

Casey just laughed and said, "Yup, she did."

I tried to explain to Lucy that it was a bad word and that we don't say that word, but she just smiled and asked for more Icee.  She's continued to say the word over and over and over again for the past 24 hours in various tones.  We're ignoring and using all of our willpower not to laugh when she says it and hoping that will nip this habit in the bud.   

I'd like to think that she's just experimenting with the various -uck words, but I know, more than likely, she overheard it somewhere.  And I highly doubt it was from me; I may have an awful mouth, but I watch my language around Lucy.  I'm the one that calls everyone else out when they slip (since no one really contributes to the Swear Jar)! 

Uggggggggh.  God help us.

Parker-isms

There is no denying that this boy is growing up.  He has started doing some of the cutest, most random little things lately and I never want to forget them...

Hair pulling.  It's almost like he's saying, "You're not going anywhere, lady."  (There was, however, one occasion that he actually pulled out a huge clump of my hair, though.  That sucked.)

Kicking and scooting.  I'll lay him in the pack-n-play or crib and can hear him kicking his legs into the air, and then dropping them down.  He scoots himself all over the crib this way, and sometimes wakes himself up because he's crammed down into the corner.  He's also managed to rub off most of his hair on the back of his head by doing this.  Love that little bald spot!

Suction cup(-ping).  Every time I burp Parker, or bring him remotely close to my face, he turns to face me and attempts to succeeds in latching on to my cheek or nose (while pulling my hair, of course).  I kind of feel like I'm being attacked by an octopus when this happens.

Reeling in his prey

That look of determination in his eyes...

Fist pumping.  When Parker starts to get drowsy while nursing, he throws his fist into the air over and over again.  His pace slows with each throw, and then sleep finally wins.  All the while he holds my finger.

--

Even as a second-timer, I'm shocked by how much he's grown in just 4 months.  Carrying him in the infant car seat is officially a challenge; and when he's laying across my lap on the boppy, he looks especially huge.  Where did my 7 pound baby go?  I think time is actually moving faster with Parker, because it's shared with Lucy.  It's a little sad, because he is so cuddly and so happy the majority of the time, and I don't want that to end; but I know there is so much to look forward to too.  I know, without doubt, this boy is going to be just as big a character as his sister.      

#mytoddleriscoolerthanyours

Do you think she'll hate me for posting this when she gets older?  Nahhhh. 

Sick tie-dye, right?

Lesson Learned

This isn't a business blog, but I have to briefly talk about the ridiculousness that is owning a bakery during the holidays...

The bakery turned out to be a huge undertaking.  Whodathunkit??  (Someone, please, remind me never to start a business during the holiday rush again.)  We made well over 200 dozen cookies between Thanksgiving and New Years.  There was the farmers market every week, custom orders, corporate orders, and even two special events.

I never expected such a high demand.  It was encouraging, flattering, and scary all at the same time.  I was taking care of the kids all day long and baking all night long-- most nights (mornings?), I didn't go to bed until 2 am.  My life was literally kids and cookies for one month.  I didn't shower, sleep, or eat nearly as often as I should have; I didn't keep in touch with friends; and I didn't get to do every single thing on my Christmas bucket list (namely Zoolights and the Russo Family Baking Marathon).

The holidays totally kicked my ass.  I learned a lot, though, and, next year, I expect to be the one doing the ass-kicking.  And you, readers, can expect to be hearing from me a little more often now.