The Sleepless Shelton

Oh my beautiful boy, how I wish you would sleep more.  I don't know what I am doing wrong, but I feel like it's my fault that you are unable to sleep better. 

I know you are tired.  You yawn, your eyes get droopy, sometimes you'll even fall asleep in my arms; but when I put you down to nap or to bed, you only sleep for 20-40 minutes, or you won't sleep at all.  You've got a full belly, clean diaper, comfy clothes...what more do you need??  Tell me, PLEASE.  There was one week that I thought maybe gas pains were to blame, because you were gulping so much air - I even tried gas drops - but that issue seems to have gone away on it's own.  ::knocks on wood::

I'm really trying not to rely on nursing, but sometimes it's the only way you'll fall asleep.

A "good" nap lasts 45-60 minutes, but most naps are closer to 30 minutes.  Your waketime is between 1.5-2 hours,which is longer than most babies your age.  There have even been days that you've stayed awake for 6, 7, 8 hours straight.  Not fussing, not hungry.  Just AWAKE.

Nighttime is hard, because you're inconsistent.  You'll sleep in 1.5-3 hour stretches.  It makes it hard to do much with my kid-free time.  The good news is that we finally have a routine.  Every night, the four of us eat dinner together (you lay on my lap across the boppy), Daddy gives you your bath, then you have naked time with Momma (while Daddy is giving Lulu her bath), we get you dressed and fed, and you're in bed by 7:30.  I'm hoping that you start to recognize the cues for bedtime, because, right now, you're treating it like any other nap-- waking after 45 minutes. We've been bed-sharing more than I'd prefer, but those are the nights that you sleep in 3 hour stretches...  And I'd rather sacrifice my extra space than my extra zzzzz's.

I don't know what to do.  What I do know is that you and I are two very tired people.

2U2: Week Three

Week Three had it's ups and downs...  We made some progress, and we're slowly figuring things out.  It hasn't been as easy as I expected or as hard as I remembered.  Somethings, like breastfeeding, are second nature now.  Other things, like sleeping, aren't as textbook as I had hoped...

Here's a recap of our third week:

BREASTFEEDING
Is going well.  Park is a great breastfeeder, still exclusively breastfed.  He's even starting to get chubby!  He nurses for 20-30 minutes every three hours.  He has been more alert, so I don't always have to change his diaper to wake him.

NAPS
In an effort to help Parker get his days and nights straight, I decided to follow Kate's suggestion, and started waking him from naps after 2 hours (instead of 3 hours).  His typical waketime is 60 minutes, which puts us on a three hour schedule.  Parker goes down awake and swaddled.  Prior to this week, he laid there quietly until he fell asleep; but, this week, he's started crying-it-out.  The first time he cried, I checked on him immediately.  After checking his diaper and attempting to nurse, we decided to try letting him CIO; he cried for 8 minutes.  It was a little tough, but nothing compared to the first time Lucy cried-it-out.  He seldom cries for more than 5 minutes.

I also want to mention that we're swaddling a little differently than we did Lucy.  Our nurses in Postpartum told us to leave Parker's arms outside of the swaddle to reduce the risk of SIDS.  I leave his arms free or won't swaddle at all for naps, and then at bedtime I'll wrap his arms to make sure he stays warm.  (Hoping that makes breaking the swaddle habit a little easier in a few months!)

Lu is in the process of dropping her morning nap.  Sadness.  Most days she'll go down between 12-1, depending on lunch, and sleep for 1.5 hours; but sometimes she'll surprise us and take two naps.

NIGHTTIME SLEEP
We had some improvement from Week Two!  Park goes down between 7:30 and 8:30, and sleeps for 4 hours; I nurse him, change his diaper, and return him to the pack and play.  The rest of the night is kind of choppy...  After the first 4 hour stretch, he sleeps for 3 hours, then 2.5 hours, then 1 hour, and our daytime routine usually starts between 7:30 and 8:00.  So, still not perfect, but progress nonetheless.

Lucy has been going down at 8:00 and waking between 8:00 and 8:30.  (Which I appreciate mucho!)

DIAPERING
Both kids are in cloth during the day and disposables at night.  Parker is a very heavy wetter compared to Lucy.  I don't remember Lucy ever soaking through a prefold when she was his age; Parker, on the other hand, soaks through in an hour.  It's disrupting his sleep.  He's still too small for pocket diapers, so, for now, it's disposables to the rescue.  During the day he wears prefolds and Thirsties covers.  Lu wears BumGenius 4.0 pockets or Thirsties covers with Flip inserts.  Ah, and I'm still laundering each day.      

SIBLING INTERACTION
Literally as soon as I hit 'Publish' on last week's update, Lucy turned into this crazy jealous thing.  She shrieks whenever Casey holds Parker, and she acts out when I hold him.  She climbs up on tables, on the baby swing, the stairs, she pulls everything out of non-baby-proofed cabinets and drawers, yanks out every.single.wipe, yells, hits, yadda yadda yadda.  She still loves her brother, but she does not love to share her parents with him.  She smothers Park with kisses and hugs and occasionally love taps.  (We're working on the hitting...)

CONCLUSION
Is it horrible that I'm ready to wave the white flag?  One kid is hard enough, but 2U2 is REALLY HARD.  This last week I questioned whether I was cut out to stay home.  What does that say about me if I think a daycare is more capable of handling my kids than I am??  Maybe it's Postpartum Depression, or maybe it's just sleep deprivation, but I feel overwhelmed sometimes.  I feel guilty for snapping at Lucy.  I don't know how other SAHMs spend their days with their kids - doing projects or something educational.  I feel unproductive - like, if I'm home, I should be cooking and cleaning, and teaching Lucy something.  Instead the house is trashed and we're living off those freezer meals that I made when I was pregnant, and I'm embarrassed when Casey walks in the door each night.

And on that note, here's some pictures of the kids to distract you from my depressing ass...

BOOM!  Big wheel!

We color coordinate our stand mixers and bath towels.  No big.

The neck strength on this one...sheesh

2U2: Week Two

I'm kind of a pessimist.  If you know me at all, this isn't news to you.  I like to expect the worst and then be pleasantly surprised when life doesn't suck.  So when Casey went back to work last Monday, I did just that.  Fortunately, Parker still sleeps a ton (well, during the day at least...), so most of the time it's just me and Lu hanging out while he naps; it's those short intervals when they're both awake that things get interesting.

Here's a recap of our second week:

BREASTFEEDING
All signs of engorgement are gone.  Praise God!  Parker is still exclusively breastfed and latching well.  I think his 2 week growth spurt started on Friday, so he's been eating even more frequently.  He tends to be more alert and interested during his nighttime nursing sessions; I have to change his diaper before switching breasts during the daytime nursing sessions to make sure he's awake.

NAPS
Naps are Parker's strong suit, more so than nighttime sleep.  He extended his waketime over the last week and is now between 45-60 minutes.  Although there were several occasions that he surpassed his typical waketime and refused to sleep altogether...like on Friday...when he was up for 6 consecutive hours...and again on Saturday, when he was up for 3 consecutive hours (you know, during our newborn session).  He naps for 3 hours, and I wake him almost every time.  I put him down awake but drowsy, and swaddled.  He still doesn't seem to mind all the noise from Sissy. 

Lucy is still taking two naps a day, usually at 10:30 and 3:30, and sleeps for 1.5-2 hours each time.  She goes down with her Boppy, blankie, sippy, monkey, and a book.  I love naptime.

NIGHTTIME SLEEP
To put it simply, I dread going to bed each night.  (Maybe I jinxed our good luck with last week's update?)  Parker has his days and nights mixed up.  He sleeps like a rock all day and is drowsy during his waketime; but, come nighttime, he's wide awake, usually for 60 minutes, and sleeping in 1.5 hour intervals.  IT'S BRUTAL.  Everything I've read says to wait it out, and that it will resolve on it's own, but that can take up to one month.  We usually end up bed-sharing by the end of the night because I'm just so desperate for sleep...  I'm frustrated.  I don't want to fall into the same bad habits that I did with Lucy (nursing to soothe, bed-sharing out of desperation, yadda yadda yadda).

I wanted to start CIO, but Parker had (still has) the worst congestion AND two clogged tear ducts (which seem to be better now)...and he's in the middle of his 2 week growth spurt...so it didn't seem right.       

Lu has been going down at 8 pm, and sleeping in later and later!  Between 7:30-8:30!!!  Thank you, sweet girl!

DIAPERING
Both kiddos are in cloth.  (Except for Lu at bedtime.)  Parker is in prefolds and Thirsties covers - seriously, it's the only cover worth purchasing.  I use The Newspaper fold (a.k.a. Angel Wing fold), and Casey uses The Twist.  We haven't had any leaks and that makes me one happy, happy girl.  We were able to stop circumcision care after 10 days, which has saved us some time and mess during each change.

I've been laundering each day, and we've never run out of clean diapers.  ::knocks on wood::  Lu is usually in BumGenius 4.0 pockets or a Thirsties cover with a Flip insert.  (Trying to keep the prefolds set aside for Parker.)

SIBLING INTERACTION
Lu is still very much in love with her baby brother.  She loves to give him kisses and hugs.  Sometimes she's a little too rough; she wants to play with him like she plays with us...which involves hitting, kicking, licking, etc.  This morning she got really pissed when I used one of her blankets to cushion him; she tried to yank it out from under him.

She hasn't shown any signs of jealousy.  When I'm nursing Parker, she's usually walking around the bedroom or couch (wherever we're situated) making a mess playing with her toys.  Sometimes she'll stand behind me and gently tap my back as I'm burping Parker.

CONCLUSION

It was a good week overall.  Parker's nasty umbilical cord fell off and we're all still alive (just tired).  We may even attempt to venture out of the house during Week Three.  Stay tuned!  

Logistics (Bedtime and Finances)

My head nearly exploded yesterday.  Over a crib.  For some reason I felt the need to analyze our sleeping arrangements, bedtime routines, and budget after Baby Boy joins our little family, because of a crib.  And now I'm going to regurgitate that thought process here.  You lucky readers!

It started off innocently enough, just thinking about our plans to paint the nursery tomorrow, excited to have the room painted and the furniture rearranged.  But that led to the inevitable question I've been struggling with for months...  When to buy the second crib?  It would be nice to run out and buy it, and get it set up this weekend; the room would feel that much more complete.  But, on the other hand, it would take up a lot of floor space that we don't necessarily need to sacrifice yet.  Then I wondered...  Do we even need a second crib? 

We bed-shared for the first 9 months of Goosey's life.  Surely we would do the same with Babe, right?  I loved bed-sharing.  But, I also love my space and privacy.  After discussing with Casey, I know that he also really loved it; and it was decided.  But that didn't stop me from briefly considering co-sleeping, in an effort to maintain closeness, convenience, and comfort; and I actually spent about 30 minutes pricing out white mini cribs - because the cinnamon wood would clash with our bedroom set - before realizing my stupidity.  (Yes, you read that right, I actually considered buying a third crib, merely for aesthetic purposes.)  The decision to bed-share was reaffirmed, but I still didn't know if we needed a second crib! 

If we bed-shared for 6-9 months before transitioning to the crib and sleep training, Lucy would be almost 2 years old and in a toddler bed.  We could buy a coordinating toddler bed for Lucy, and Babe could use the crib.  Save a little money and whatnot.  Brilliant, right??  But there are no coordinating toddler beds for the Graco Sarah Convertible Crib.  And I need their furniture to coordinate, people!  So long as these kids share a room!!!  (Which, for the record, will be at least 1 or 2 years - because, oh yes, I even thought about the possibility of moving yesterday.)  In addition to my fixation on wood tones, the savings on a toddler bed vs. a convertible crib is less than $50; and I think the crib would have a higher resale value.  So, it was decided...  Lucy would keep her crib and Babe would have his own, matching crib; but, wait, that means our kids are really going to share a bedroom.  What if they wake each other up?!?!?!

The weight of it finally hit me.  The first few weeks of Cry-It-Out will be brutal, and I'm sure he won't sleep through the night right away.  Then there's my rowdy toddler that likes to squeal and climb, and chat with herself for 10-15 minutes before finally closing her eyes.  After googling and discussing with my mom, it seems like our only option is to have different bedtimes.  Babe first, then Lucy.

In my mind, I had accomplished a lot:
Need a second crib?  You betcha!
Bed-sharing?  Yup!
Bedtime dilemma?  Solved!

BUT...(there's always one big butt that gets in the way, eh?)

What.about.money?  Better quadruple check our projected budget for August 2012...  Only to find a slight miscalculation has been made and we cannot afford full time daycare for two kids.  Scary, right??  Sadly, we don't have an answer for this one just yet.  Mucho (mucho, mucho) to consider.

I'm amazed if you survived that monster post.  Does your head hurt?

10 Reasons: Why I love bed-sharing

Whenever I tell people that we are a co-sleeping family, they look at my like I have two heads.  People just assume Lucy sleeps in her crib, and that she has for months.  I find that quite frustrating, and even offensive at times.

I know we've already had this conversation about why bed-sharing is awesome, but I feel like taking it a step further and sharing the top ten reasons why I love it... 

10.  Lucy sleeps better, and that means I sleep better. 

9.  I get to fall asleep listening to Lucy breathing.  (Does that sound creepy?)

8.  It gives new meaning to the phrase "Fast Food", I can whip my boob out and go right back to sleep.
  
7.  Saturday mornings.  (My favorite part of the week!)  We wake up and play, and cuddle, take pictures, and just enjoy each other.  No rushing around to get to work or wherever else.

6.  No need for one of those pesky baby monitors! 

5.  It put my mind at ease knowing the SIDS risk was decreased.  

4.  I like to think that this bond and closeness is creating a foundation for our relationship in the years to come, as it did for my mom and I.  (Maybe that's an Italian thing?)

3.  Catching Lulu laughing and smiling in her sleep. 

2.  Watching Casey kiss Lucy and talk to her in the mornings, before he leaves for work, when he thinks I'm still asleep.

1.  Waking up to Goosey's sweet face.

Of course there is one small drawback to bed-sharing...  Now that Lulu has gotten a little bigger and more mobile, I occasionally have to fight for my side of the bed!

I don't see you enough.

I don't see you enough. 

Everyday, when I have to leave you, I ask God why.  Why do I have to leave her?  Why do I have to go to work?  Why can't I just stay with her forever?

My favorite part of the day is coming home and seeing you smile.  When I walk through the door, your face lights up with the biggest smile the world has ever seen.  You bounce up and down, and gurgle with excitement.  You tell me all about your day and give me a big, drool-filled kiss.

My second favorite part of the day is bedtime.  Specifically those last few minutes before we both fall asleep...when we're laying there quietly, just staring at each other sleepily, holding hands and drifting away.  I savor those 5-10 minutes, because one day I know I'll blink and you'll be too big for bed-sharing.  Too big for breastfeeding.  Too big for cuddling.

I don't see you enough.

Whoever said 12 10 weeks postpartum was sufficient?  I think a year would be better.  And I think never again would be even better than that.  Maternity leave flew by.  I was in such a sleep deprived daze, just trying to survive being a new mom, that I didn't realize how fleeting time really was.  I didn't appreciate each and every moment the way I should have.

Every day I go to work, because I have to work.  Every day I stare at your pictures on my phone and pray that one day I can stay home with you.  And every day I get more and more miserable. 

I should be the one you show your belly to...

I don't see you enough. 

You are my baby.  My precious little baby girl that I carried in my belly for over 38 weeks.  We were always together.  And for those first ten weeks of your life, we were always together.  I feel like mothers shouldn't have to work (unless they want to...  Then, by all means, knock your socks off!).  I'd live in a cardboard box, with no cell phone, no vacations, no anything, if it meant I could be with you all day everyday.  Unfortunately, I don't think CPS would approve of the whole cardboard box thing.

I should be there for nakey baby time...

I always knew that I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I never knew I'd need to be a stay at home mom.


How about you mommas?  How do you feel about your decision to stay home or work?  Is anyone else in the process of trying to become a SAHM?  

Goodbye Swaddle, Hello Arms!

Its official, we are DONE swaddling!

Last week I was getting Lulu ready for bed, wrapping her in the swaddle blanket, and she would not stop squirming; I nursed her for almost an hour, and she was still wide awake and very clearly frustrated.  I rocked her, sang to her and rubbed her little nose.  She wasn't having it. 

At 1:30 I decided to try putting her to sleep sans swaddle.  After some more nursing, Lulu *finally* shut her eyes.  It was a small victory, though, because she woke herself up every fifteen minutes.

The following night was a whole lotta the same nonsense.  We swaddled, we nursed, we rocked, we sang...it was approaching midnight, and Goose was WIDE awake.  

She was starting to whine, and I was teetering on the edge on sanity, so I gently woke Casey for some help.  By gently, I mean I shrieked, "YOU need to help me!"

We gave her a small dose of baby Tylenol, and chalked her restlessness up to "growing pains".  Casey rocked her for awhile, and eventually brought her to me to nurse.  She fell asleep without the swaddle, and stayed asleep for a couple of hours.     

Pssst!  Momma, I'm hungry!!!

Fast forward one week, and Lulu seems to have gotten the hang of things (yes!).

Those first few days were rough, though.  I do not function properly on three (choppy) hours of sleep.  I was desperate for a solution; I contemplated buying The Woombie and even starting Lulu on solids, but neither of those were practical solutions.  All you can really do is wait it out... 

(seriously, its a myth that solids help babies sleep through the night - but we'll talk about that later).

The average age that babies outgrow the swaddle is 3-4 months; and, whether I like it or not, Lulu is almost 4 months old!  We had a good run, Swaddle.  You will be missed!

Have any of you mommas had to break the swaddle habit recently?  Do tell!

Why bed-sharing is awesome...

 Lucy gets to sleep...

AND

 Mommy does too!

There are A LOT of opinions on bed-sharing, and they are all so very different.  I tend to favor those that are pro bed-sharing.  Go figure.

Our first days as parents were pretty darn sleep deprived; Lucy ate every two hours on the dot, and because of my c-section incision, Casey had to get up with us to change her and bring her to me.  I swore that he wouldn't have to get up with us Sunday through Thursday, once he returned to work (which sucked, because he was back to work 6 days after she was born - ouch!).

We bought this handy dandy bassinet to keep bedside and use throughout the house during the day.  We loved that thing (for about two weeks - three weeks tops).  Well, one night Lucy cried every fifteen minutes.  No matter how much I tried to soothe her or feed her, she would not stay asleep in her bassinet.  Finally, Casey got up and brought her to bed with us.  Lucy fell asleep instantly, and stayed asleep for FOUR hours straight.  Hallelujah!  It was the best night's sleep either of us had had since she was born.  The next night Casey was getting Lucy ready for bed, and he laid her in the bassinet, and I said, "NO way!!!  She's sleeping with us from now on!"

When I told Casey that I wanted to start having Lucy sleep with us, he said that he was worried about the potential SIDS risks.  That is a hard point to argue, but I was so desperate to have another night of nearly uninterrupted sleep...so I began researching bed-sharing.  I zeroed in on two websites (source and source), but like I said before there are a lot of opinions out there...hence, a lot of websites.  I found both of the websites to be very interesting, and I think anyone considering bed-sharing should check them out.  For now, let me save you some time and give you the highlights:

• It is believed that bed-sharing reduces the risk of SIDS, because the infant mimics the mother's breathing pattern; the mother acts as a pacemaker for the infant.
• A study done in 1992 observed a mother and child sleeping independently and sleeping together.  When sleeping independently of each other, the infant stopped breathing 132 times.  When sleeping together, the infant breathed normally throughout the night 

The idea of bed-sharing NEVER occurred to me; I always planned on having Lucy in our room, in the pack-n-play or bassinet, but not actually in our bed.  Not to say that I was ever opposed to bed-sharing, I just literally had never heard of it.  If someone told me a year ago that I'd be a bed-sharing, exclusive breastfeeding, cloth diapering mama, I never would have believed them; but, I couldn't be happier to be all of those things.

Our family gets the best night's sleep possible these days, and its all thanks to Casey!  Nice work, honey!  Since we started bed-sharing, Lucy has slept five and a half hours straight; and I actually woke her that time, because I was starting to worry about her.  We plan on bed-sharing until Lucy sleeps through the night, but plans change; it could be sooner, or it could be later.  I think everyone should try bed-sharing at least once, it does wonders for exhausted parents!

Now if only we opted for the KING SIZE mattress...