This is hard to type without crying. Today has been kinda rough. Lucy has been sick all week (actually she's been sick on and off for the last month); and the last two nights she woke at 3:30 and 4:00. I took her to the doctor today, and it turns out my sweet girl has her very first ear infection. Then I got a phone call from the ultrasound center that performed my NT Scan...
I completely forgot they had said to expect a call. I knew there was a problem as soon as the doctor said, Are you able to talk for a few minutes? I've gotten dozens of phone calls for blood work results, and they usually last less than 30 seconds. She went on to tell me that my ultrasound measurements were perfect, but my blood work results were abnormal. A normal result, for a woman of my age, is a 1 in 800 chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome. My result was 1 in 110. The doctor was quick to reassure me that this is still a less than one percent chance. She said, I have to make 109 more phone calls, and only one out of all you ladies will have a baby with Down Syndrome.
The tears started flowing as soon as I hung up. I tried to call Casey, but he didn't answer. And so I turned to my three friends, Jaye, Jenn and Meg, who got me through the next hour. They made me focus on the positive. They offered to come to my ultrasounds. And when Casey called, he reminded me of why we chose not to have this test with Lucy.
There will be two more blood screens and two more ultrasounds, for better indication, once I'm 15 weeks and the month following. Then I will have the option of Amniocentesis.
I'm overwhelmed with fear. I feel guilty. My eyes are swollen and burning from crying so hard. Jaye recommended that I read the birth story of Kelle Hampton's second daughter, Nella...and it has helped me tremendously. I could feel every emotion in her story. It reminded me of how much I already love my baby boy, and how much more I will love him once he's here. The outpouring of support has made all the difference. I can never say how grateful I am for your love and prayers.
I know I keep saying it, but I'll say it again - all will be fine.
ReplyDeleteA 99% chance that everything is totally normal - but in the off chance that the 1% happens, this baby will be just perfect.
::hug:: that's all. everything works out in the end, no matter what happens. love is an amazing thing.
ReplyDeleteThoughts and prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are an incredibly courageous woman Tay. No matter what, this baby is already loved so much by you and all of the people who love and support you.
ReplyDeleteLove your baby Tay, that's all that matters. Don't feel guilty, don't wonder if you should have done anything different. Love our baby.
I am always here for you. <3 you!
((((hugs))))
ReplyDeleteDitto Jaye. Odds are very, very good that this baby is just fine and will be completely and totally healthy. But in that 1% chance, I KNOW that you will love this baby no matter what. And in the end, this baby will be the perfect fit for your family because he/she is meant to be yours.
That blog was the perfect recommendation. I don't know if you follow her blog, but I have been reading it for almost two years now. She has opened my eyes so much seeing things about Downs Syndrome that I never did before, and also just about life in general.
More than likely, you won't even have to worry about it though. But just remember that you will get through anything that comes your way.
Taylor, I just want to hug you and tell you it's all going to be fine. Because you know it is. Fear and anxiety talk loud when we're stressed and tired, but even in those moments, the fact remains...it's going to be fine. This little miracle is loved, he is a blessing, unique, made by, and especially for, you. His place in your family and your heart, is not qualified by anything other than your love; not by what colour hair or eyes he has, whether he's tall or short, grows to be a jock or a geek, likes the Kardasians or has an extra special chromosome. He's loved, no matter what..... so what else is there but "it's going to be just fine".
ReplyDeleteI hope you wake rested and able to find your strength. Sending lots of love your way.
Cindy
Thank you all... I've been praying all night. I think I've finally begun to accept the news.
ReplyDeleteYour odds are great that its nothing...but you are a "lucky one". Let me tell you, there is no grater love.
ReplyDeleteOur sweet Mason is now almost 10 mo old and has DS. He is truly a blessing.
here is our blog. start in last january.
www.prayersformason.blogspot.com
Mrs. B, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I have been on your blog for the last hour, tearing up the whole time, and I will continue reading. You are an inspiration. Your son is beautiful, and such a miracle. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing. Thank you for giving me hope.
DeletePrayers for you during this difficult time! I couldn't imagine the worry and stress you feel.
ReplyDelete